i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
