best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She told me I should be a condom model.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
