You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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