My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
