Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
