Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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