I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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