Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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