she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
