I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
