Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
