I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
