I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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