just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
