1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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