do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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