you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
