Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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