Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
