NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
