I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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