i need an iv and a liver transplant
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
