Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
