It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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