im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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