she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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