Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
