So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
