Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
