Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
