everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
