btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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