can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
