Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
