Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
