Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Enjoy the penises
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
