I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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