I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Rumble strips road head = magical
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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