Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
