The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
