I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
