i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
