Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Drunk is a universal language darling
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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