Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
