Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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