that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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