oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
