I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
