Acid is not a monday night drug
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
