doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
