Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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