don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
