South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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