Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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