she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
