Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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