Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
