I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
