First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
