Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
