i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
