Plan B is the new Plan A
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
