After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
